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October 20th, 2005

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04:22 pm - Ich bin müde
Despite what others might think from reading recent posts, I'm not a Drama Queen.

In fact, I hate drama.

Really -- I do.

My intent had been to have a quiet, dignified exit. Instead, it's been a huge mess -- the exact thing I had been trying to avoid.

And what really stinks about this whole thing is that someone I love -- still -- has had his personal life ripped open in public.

The ultimate hell for a very private person.

I feel really, really bad about that.

If he didn't hate me before, he should by now.

For that -- and my part in it -- I'm sorry -- truly sorry.

I'm tired of this. Think whatever you want about me -- I really don't care anymore.

Ich bin müde . . .


Keine Lust mehr
etwas herauszufinden
Ich hab meinen Kopf
irgendwo verlor'n
Ein Knochengerüst ein Fetzen Haut
Man hat mir meine Seele geklaut

Ich gehe weiter unter
Der Boden ist noch nicht erreicht
Ich gehe weiter runter

Ich bin müde
wann schlaf ich endlich ein
Die goldenen Zeiten
sind lange vorbei
Das Glück holt mich
sowieso nicht mehr ein
Ich bin müde, ich bin müde

Alles läuft an mir vorbei
Es spielt schon lange keine Rolle mehr
Jedem das was er verdient
Ich fühl mich vollkommen Leer

Meine Augen wollen nichts mehr seh'n
Meine Beine können nicht mehr steh'n
Ich will nur noch
meine Sackgasse zuende geh'n

Ich gehe weiter unter
Der Boden ist noch nicht erreicht
Ich gehe weiter runter

Ich bin müde

Ich fühl mich wie ein Zombie
wie eine Leiche auf Urlaub
Ich lauf mir nicht mehr länger

Gute Nacht


No more desire
to find something out
I have lost
my head somewhere
A skeleton, a shred of skin
My soul has been stolen

I'm sinking farther down
Still haven't gotten to the floor
I'm going farther down

I am tired
when will I finally fall asleep
The golden times
are long gone
Happiness isn't catching up with me
anymore anyway
I am tired, I am tired

Everything is running by me
It hasn't mattered for a long time already
Everyone gets what they deserve
I feel completely empty

My eyes don't want to see anything anymore
My legs cannot stand anymore
I just want
my impasse to come to an end

I'm sinking farther down
Still haven't gotten to the floor
I'm going farther down

I am tired

I feel like a zombie
like a corpse on vacation
I won't run after myself

Good night

"We now return you to our regularly-scheduled LiveJournal of memes and irrelevant silliness"
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: "Müde" by Megaherz

(6 seeds eaten | Eat a pomegranate)


[User Picture]
Date:October 23rd, 2005 09:00 pm (UTC)

Thank you for wanting to be my friend!

I'm not 100% sure if we've met. I've been at Barb's before, for Imbolc, so it's possible. I'm...well, I'm another Karen (only one 'a'), and I've known Barb since I was 18; the others, variably somewhat less long.

I am -- I remember you, I think, although it was several Imbolcs ago and I remember that you seemed to be a nice person, although we didn't interact much -- not an uncommon phenomenon, given the number of people that come to her events.

So I feel a certain identification with what you're going through, and had been sitting on my hands not to say anything directly related - partly because I'm not 100% sure if we've met.

Well, feel free to speak up now, if you still want to. Especially since it seems that you know some of the others involved in this for many years, from what you said above. I would find your perspective interesting, particularly since you've known the others so long -- longer even than I have. You may send it via email, if you'd rather not comment in my LJ -- your choice.

But you can indeed survive, and even thrive.

From your mouth to the ears of the Divine!

I know I read somewhere that you yourself are built to be monogamous; this is something you know to be true of yourself.

I know that I am both very faithful and very loyal and that when I am with someone I have no desire to wander away from that person's side. To me, that makes me monogamous.

Why friend you? Well, you rather seem to need friends, for one.

I do. Thank you for your offer of friendship -- I accept it with a full heart. Consider yourself "friended".

I think the "social BO" you mention is rather less than it might appear.

Again, from your mouth to the ears of the Divine!

you seem an intelligent, unique, and interesting person.

Thank you. Flattery will get you everywhere. :)

Hang in there, and be true to yourself.

"This above all, to thine own self be true,
and it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man." -- Polonius to Laertes, Hamlet, Act I, scene 3

This is how I try to live my life -- with integrity.

if I may be so bold - trust your friends. Trust even the ones who've hurt you (that's the really hard one).

You're right -- it is hard. But I shall try to do so, to the best of my ability.

I well understand why it might be hard to be around for a while; but do come back someday, when the sharpness is less.

If I feel confident that my presence truly is wanted, I will likely do that. Otherwise I cannot. I have no desire to be where I am not wanted.

If I haven't met you yet, I'd very much like to.

Thank you for saying that -- it's very nice of you to do so!!

I'd love to chat with you sometime -- I have AIM, Yahoo, ICQ and MSN and I'm often online. The Yahoo ID is in my LJ profile -- the others I can send you via email. I don't want to post them here since I get a TON of spim already. :-/


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