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October 19th, 2005


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12:05 am - The exodus of friends continues . . .


diavola restroom


One of the side effects of being Evil Incarnate . . .

~~ sighs ~~

~~ twirls her pointy tail ~~

~~ sings Voltaire's "When You're Evil" to cheer herself up ~~

~~ twirls her pointy tail some more ~~

~~ starts to read "Pariah-hood for Dummies" ~~
Current Mood: sadresigned
Current Music: "When You're Evil" by Voltaire

(34 seeds eaten | Eat a pomegranate)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:theentwife
Date:October 20th, 2005 04:19 am (UTC)

Re: attempting to be a voice of reason...

(Link)
Where's your participation? You assumed that the teasing was malicious and aimed at you. Yes, you were hurt by what was going on, but by assuming (incorrectly) that people were intentionally rubbing it in your face to spite you, you fuelled your own anger and hurt. You failed to apply Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by ignorance.

In the case of E, I can believe that she was oblivious to the hurt she was causing. In fact, earlier that evening she and I had a discussion on that same topic. I did believe, however, that she knew what the true situation was, from what she said. Even if she did not though, it still was not a nice thing to do. It was not considerate of the feelings of others.

This does not excuse things that your partner said, however. And she has not the excuse that E does, of being ignorant of the situation. She knew. And knew also how I felt. Some of the things she said made me feel so upset it was all I could do not to burst into tears. I tried very hard not to let others present see the effect her words were having on me, since I didn't want to cause a fuss or a scene.

This is also not the first time things like this have come up with her. A few months ago in an IM session with me she said some things I found very hurtful -- to the point where I fled and ended up crying my eyes out at what she had said.

It is possible that she is unconscious of the effects of her words. I find it difficult to believe that, but I can accept that as a possibility.

I would encourage you to rethink all the events that happened with the viewpoint that perhaps malice wasn't involved, and that your feelings weren't intentionally trampled. That perhaps ignorance, differing viewpoints, and poor communication combined to produce an uncomfortable situation.

I will try to do so -- although it will be easier to do that in E's case than in that of your partner. But I will try, even with her, difficult though that will be for me.


Persephone
[User Picture]
From:skitten
Date:October 20th, 2005 10:27 am (UTC)

Re: attempting to be a voice of reason...

(Link)
I have been reading this entry with interest because whether you believe it or not I really do want to make sure you are ok. I'm now attempting one last time to communicate with you, though I'm not sure how helpful it will be because you don't seem to believe anything I say is true. You seem to feel that everything I say is with the intent of harming you.

With regards to the conversation when Eva was teasing I was pretty horrified about how that was going. I could see how much it was hurting your feelings and I was squirming because it was horribly embarassing at both levels that Buddha brought up.

I'm not sure what words you feel I used in person that were intentionally harmful. I didn't even direct any words towards you during that exchange. If I could have I would have left the room but it didn't seem appropriate. I also actively avoided going into the blue room by packing things and cleaning up because I was very uncomfortable with how things were going on many levels...

With regards to the conversation IM... I believe the point I made was that you had backed yourself into a corner by staying in a relationship that was making you miserable and I asked you why. Then, instead of thinking about that you reverted to tears and anger.

I recognize that the parameters of your relationship with Craig changed dramatically when he moved in with Tracy. That was none of my doing but I can understand how that would feel like things were conspiring against you. Perhaps at that point Craig could have explained where he felt you stand or you could have asked for a specific definition of what your level of relationship is. I don't know, maybe that *did* happen, but there was obviously a difference of opinion or a lack of clarity. Either way it did make this situation even worse and that I wish hadn't happened.

Despite it all I want you to be healthy and happy. So I wish you well!
[User Picture]
From:theentwife
Date:October 20th, 2005 08:16 pm (UTC)

Re: attempting to be a voice of reason...

(Link)
I have been reading this entry with interest because whether you believe it or not I really do want to make sure you are ok.

Duly noted -- and I accept that you want to make sure I'm OK.

I'm now attempting one last time to communicate with you, though I'm not sure how helpful it will be because you don't seem to believe anything I say is true. You seem to feel that everything I say is with the intent of harming you.

In deference to your partner and what he wrote above, I will accept that you didn't mean to be as hurtful as you were. It likely has to do with your style of communicating -- the messages other receive from you may not be what you intended to send.

I'm not sure what words you feel I used in person that were intentionally harmful. I didn't even direct any words towards you during that exchange.

There were exchanges other than that one with you. Ones where you rather forcefully rubbed my nose in the situation. Don't ask me for the exact words now -- I could have told you in detail on Sunday, but I can't now -- I only remember the impact they had on me -- and how much they hurt.

With regards to the conversation IM... I believe the point I made was that you had backed yourself into a corner by staying in a relationship that was making you miserable and I asked you why. Then, instead of thinking about that you reverted to tears and anger.

I told you I didn't want to discuss the situation repeatedly, yet you kept on bringing it up again and again and again -- hammering me with it over and over and over. Poking at a sore spot and rubbing my nose in it -- again. And again. And again. Until I fled in tears because I couldn't take it anymore.

Despite it all I want you to be healthy and happy. So I wish you well!

Duly noted and accepted.


Persephone

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