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October 19th, 2005


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12:05 am - The exodus of friends continues . . .


diavola restroom


One of the side effects of being Evil Incarnate . . .

~~ sighs ~~

~~ twirls her pointy tail ~~

~~ sings Voltaire's "When You're Evil" to cheer herself up ~~

~~ twirls her pointy tail some more ~~

~~ starts to read "Pariah-hood for Dummies" ~~
Current Mood: sadresigned
Current Music: "When You're Evil" by Voltaire

(34 seeds eaten | Eat a pomegranate)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:mowglikat
Date:October 20th, 2005 12:18 am (UTC)

To sum up...

(Link)
There are a couple of separate issues here:

1 - There's how you reacted to what you perceived to be hostile posts. I think that was handled kind of badly on your end. Regardless of whether or not the posts were hostile, you exacerbated the situation with your posts. It's your right to do that, but you took your whole situation and made it worse, then you acted surprised by people's reactions. Not reasonable. Understandable, but not reasonable.

2 - There's how you handled that night. I don't know...I wasn't there, and very little has been said on that subject. I do think, however, that you probably owe RBDarkly an apology. She was not only your host, but was in the middle of a grieving process, one that you were being present to support. To leave without speaking to your host is just rude, even if you've just had a knock-down drag-out with one of the guests. At the very least someone should have delivered a message to her on your behalf. I know that hasn't come up in all of this, but I felt it needed to be said, in case you've forgotten it in all this mess.

3 - There's what your actual rights were in the relationship. It's obvious that that was unclear. I feel that this is probably the root of almost all of the problems. However, the fact that your expectations didn't match actual delivery is, at this point, moot. You can choose to continue to be angry and hurt about this, or you can recognize it as what it was...miscommunication. I don't think anyone set out to say, "Let's see how high I can raise her before I dump her." Things happen in life that don't make us happy. We can wallow in them, or move on. I'm all for moving on.

That is not to belittle your pain, or to imply that you are not feeling pain. What I mean is that the pain is not a process to be prolonged. It's not doing you any favors to continue to feel pain. It just means that it would probably be wise to seek ways to move past it instead of holding onto it with the deathgrip you've got.

4 - You have needs. Some of these needs are deep and primal...I know because I've felt some of them myself, and I know how they can take on a life of their own and take over your body. It's frightening sometimes, how those needs can get you to make decisions that are unhealthy. In the long run, healing those needs will be the only way you can stop making unhealthy choices. I strongly suggest therapy. I feel that everyone can benefit from it, but people that have intense feelings like you or I can benefit more than some other folks.

The nature of seeing things in black or white is that reality just isn't that way. The world is in shades of grey. Learning to see more of those shades can only be helpful to you, and therapy would teach you how to do that. I know many people who have benefitted from it. But you have to be ready, and you have to be willing to look at some of the unpleasantness in yourself. We've all got unpleasantness in our souls.

I think some of your need is hurting you, and I think you should do something about it. That's one answer. There are probably others, but I don't know what they are, so I'm suggesting the one I know works.
[User Picture]
From:theentwife
Date:October 20th, 2005 05:13 am (UTC)

Re: To sum up...

(Link)
As to your first point -- generally I'm easy-going. I will often not react to a provocation. But sometimes I do -- I do have a temper you know! Even if I rarely display it.

And I was not surprised by people's reactions -- I expected them. I knew that there would be consequences to my actions -- and what they were likely to be. I spent a long sleepless night, waiting for it to grow light enough to leave, contemplating the repercussions of my leaving.

As to your second point --

I do think, however, that you probably owe RBDarkly an apology. She was not only your host, but was in the middle of a grieving process, one that you were being present to support. To leave without speaking to your host is just rude, even if you've just had a knock-down drag-out with one of the guests.

That was done days ago -- that very day in fact. I had to wait for her to be awake first. I didn't want to wake her up at the time -- she needed the rest. I was trying to be as quiet and discreet as possible in my departure.

At the very least someone should have delivered a message to her on your behalf.

People were asleep when I gathered my things and left. The one person I remember seeing was also a participant in this -- although less so than others -- and I couldn't trust myself not to burst into tears and cause a big scene, which I did not want. I was trying very hard to avoid that by leaving quietly when I did and in the manner I did. I was attempting to be discreet and not cause a fuss. So he received a non-verbal goodbye as I headed out the door with my stuff. I'm not even sure how awake he was anyway -- and I didn't want any questions, since I was sure I'd start blubbering then.

As to your third point --

There's what your actual rights were in the relationship. It's obvious that that was unclear. I feel that this is probably the root of almost all of the problems.

That is such an understatement!!!!

I feel that those rights underwent a change when the move was made from his home to hers. Everything changed then.

it would probably be wise to seek ways to move past it instead of holding onto it with the deathgrip you've got.

That is what I've been doing -- I am going through a grieving process for what I once had. Not everyone grieves at the same pace nor in the same manner.

As to your fourth point -- I see more shades of gray than perhaps you realize.

Therapy is a very common answer to life's problems.

I have another.

Just accept that sometimes life sucks -- and not in a fun way. And that there may be very little you can do about it -- if anything at all.


Persephone the Stoic

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